TW: death, frank discussion of death
I have a shelf life @18-20 months, maybe a bit longer, probably shorter. No guarantees, eh?
I was diagnosed with PBC - Primary Biliary Cholongitis. The science community is trying to re-brand cirrhosis, which I totally get. (that will be an impassioned post)! My stage is such that I could develop hepatic encepholopathy, which is the real killer. It ends in a coma, and renal failure. Wow, that's pretty direct. I haven't written it down yet, just endlessly going through my mind.
This is how the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
Anyway, my friends and family are everywhere, and with no travel...I'm feeling a need to
record shit. Stupid, random things that I think of. Being seen? Acknowledgement? I don't know why this sudden burst of creativity has exploded in me and I'm nesting, like i'm about to have a baby. Or I suppose: have a big journey ahead of me.
My grief counsellor said it's very common to set one's official and home affairs in order, to have that time where you have to worry about nothing. Hence, our house is filled with bits of projects everywhere. I seem to hthiave developed a bit of an attention-span problem (internet or cirrhosis side effect?), so i live amidst a bunch of glue, paint, 3d models and macrame projects...Harald is a patient man.
I want a good death. I want this time to be thoughtful, loving, hilarious, and filled with new memories. Good memories.
I do have a proverbial bucket-list, but it was very short, in terms of travel. Japan, Iceland, Argentina. Oh, and in Canada (which I know we CAN do): Yukon (The North) and Newfoundland & Labrador.
Everyone in Wien understands, but they would love to see us.
I have 2 longtime dreams in the US: dining at the French Laundry, and going on the Disney Key to the Kingdom tour (logistics and operation). I am such a nerd. Harald can't go with me, and who knows what havoc Covid will wreak next. But the tours at Disney are open again...just waiting for the CAN gov to let us out. Who knows about French Laundry?