progress / decline

As time goes on, I notice things. I'm unsteady on my feet a lot - I have to be very aware of my steps and the surface I'm walking on. It's the vertigo, I know, but I don't think my ESLD helps it.*

Fun (?) fact: patterned rugs, like in hotels or casinos? Oh my. I'm adrift at sea.

I have even less strength in my arms and legs, although I can do a cobra at yoga now.

I need to sleep about 12hrs/day.

I need to wear a bladder leak pad, especially if I'm going to be out of the house. It's humiliating, but I feel safer and more confident that I don't have to be within 30 seconds of a toilet.

I made it through the cruise! With all the excursions, and the dinners, and the socialising.

I threw up a lot. I could barely eat, even though everything was so delicious. I know I was seasick one day, but now i'm thinking I should wear those Sea bands, and bring lots of Gravol.

I'm lonely - I'm coming to the realization of who really are my closest people. Who the ones I want around me as I die. I know my brother, Pam, and Mary Ellen will come. That's who I want, actually. I want my oldest friendships, the people who really know me.

And the people who are in the second ring of friendship - two people acknowledged it. Like it's something that's going to happen in 10 years...I so wish!

So it all evens out in the end. I'm in a good place, mentally and emotionally.

*funnily enough, all the meds I'm on I haven't gotten sick - even with Covid twice. Huh.